It's a very spontaneous decision to start write again. And I probably won't write regularly because it's just not my thing. There's gonna be shitloads of mistakes, cause I don't have money to learn more English and I can't find the motivation to do it by myself. So why I'm not gonna write in my first language? Because I watch too many YouTubers that speak English, that my brain is more comfortable thinking in English also.
Speaking of YT. I just came across a >video< that touched something inside me and then the comments and everything just made me cry.
I started thinking about my life. How useless I am right now. How I don't know what I could do with my life.
Quite a while ago I decided that I need a longterm purpose to keep myself going. If I know what I want to achieve then I can do anything. But now I'm in a place where there's no more purpose. There's no finish line I can cross.
You see... I finished school this year and started attending University. I lasted a month, then dropped out. Turned out that European and International Business Law and EU Administration wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.
So now I don't have any long term goal.
Yeah, I'm looking for a job, but in my country is very doubtful I'll find one soon.
Other than that I do nothing in this moment. And it's pretty scary.
Life is scary in general.
I think one conclusion from this post is I need my psychiatrist to be back and to change my medications because I think that my social anxiety has a new friend called depression.
